My Alternate Universe

Boy, now here is a post I never *dreamed* I'd be writing.

I am a single mother of 5 children. Wow. That sounds kind of scary doesn't it?

Without being gossipy or causing scandal, I will summarize by saying that my husband of 12 years announced 6 days ago that he no longer wants to be married to me or be part of my life. To say this was unexpected would be an understatement - It was shocking in a way I can't even describe. As far as I knew, we had a very happy, close, loving relationship. There is so much more to this story, but it would be unkind to post it on this blog.

I tried very hard to get him to reconcile this week. He closed all doors by saying he is unwilling AT ALL to do that.

So, regardless, he is divorcing me and there is really nothing I can do about that, so the kids and I are moving on.

The kids are upset, of course. They are hurt, bewildered, angry. And now I face the difficult task of trying to teach them love and forgiveness in a situation where the person they should most be able to trust in the world has harmed them so significantly and so very deeply in so many ways.

It was also an insane week in other ways too - our AC went out the same day my husband left. It is August in GA and it was 95 degrees in our home. It was out for 4 days before I could get it fixed, and that involved putting in a whole new unit at a cost of over $3,300 dollars. OUCH! I was very worried about the children, especially the baby, who was severely dehydrated. Thankfully all is well now.



Some amazingly kind people from our Homeschool Group / Church bought a window unit AC and came and installed it for us. So we spent as much time as possible in that one room - sleeping in the floor. Here is a picture of the kids [and the collie who can't stand to not be right beside them!] sleeping in the floor.

AND, just to top things off, I got a kidney stone this week as well [I get those from time to time]. It finally passed yesterday and I am feeling much better. But sometimes you gotta say "just dang!"



Here is the toddler monkey sitting on the AC box playing with the baby. I mean, how cute are they? How can I be sad when I have these 5 crazy little monkeys? I am the luckiest woman alive.

In the midst of all this heartbreak though, I feel so loved and protected by God. I *KNOW* God will provide for us, I know that Jesus is standing beside me and holding me up. I know that my children will survive and thrive and that God is even more committed to their well being than I am, even if their father is not.

I spoke with a very good and holy Priest yesterday, and he set my heart and mind at ease. He was so very helpful to my healing process.

We have been so incredibly surrounded by Grace this week. People have helped us in such amazing ways - if I get time later today I want to make a list of all the things people have done. God has truly blessed me with Excellent Christian friends [near and far] who truly, truly strive every day to live out the Gospel of Christ - and to be Christ's hands and feet in a truly remarkable way. God is so good and so kind to me - I know that the children and I are wrapped in His love and protected by Him in such a very real way. He will take care of us, and it will be through His other children that he sees us safely through this storm.

For many years I have had a great devotion to The Chaplet of Divine Mercy. My youngest monkey is named after St. Faustina [her given name was Helena, and I gave that name to my daughter in her honor]. In this hour of shock and sorrow, over and over I say again, and I mean it from the bottom of my soul - "Jesus I Trust In You."

God is so Good.

If You Want Me To

If You Want Me To by Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don’t know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I’m gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

No I’m not who I was
When I took my first step
And I’m clinging to the promise You’re not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that’s not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I’ll never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I’m all by myself
And I can’t hear You answer my cries for help
I’ll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the darkness
If You want me to

When I cross over Jordan, I’m gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to

Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to

Now That's What You Call Ironic, That Is!

Well, today Tyr was officially adopted as a member of our family. One male came in to my life and one male left.

For whatever reason, my husband of 12 years decided he's leaving the kids and I. I don't know where this will go. He hasn't been the same since he got home from the hospital 3 weeks ago.

I'm just stunned and kind of numb. I have no idea where to even begin to deal with something like this, it never occurred to me that this was a possibility.

I know that God will take care of the kids and I, and that's about as far as I've gotten on processing the whole thing.

I really like our dog though.

One Word MEME

I got this from my friend Mel. The rule is that you have to answer in one word only, no explanations allowed.

I'm not sure I'm capable of being that concise LOL! Let's see:

1. Yourself: happy
2. Your spouse: funny
3. Your hair: brown
4. Your mother: sick
5. Your father: funny
6. Your favorite item: photos
7. Your dream last night: nightmare
8. Your favorite drink: coke
9. Your dream car: huge
10. The room you are in: office
11. Your ex: nutcase
12. Your fear: damnation
13. What you want to be in 10 years: holy
14. Who you hung out with last night: dog
15. What you're not: humble
16. Muffins: Yum!!!!
17: One of your wish list items: books
18: Time: flies
19. The last thing you did: cuddle
20. What you are wearing: jammies
21. Your favorite weather: fall
22. Your favorite book: Bible
23. The last thing you ate: chicken
24. Your life: good
25. Your mood: peaceful
26. Your best friend: husband
27. What you're thinking about right now: husband
28. Your car: nasty
29. What you are doing at the moment: cuddling
30. Your summer: dramatic
31. Your relationship status: married
32. What is on your TV: unknown
33. What is the weather like: HOT
34. When was the last time you laughed: tonight [because of Mel!]

I tag you! If you'd like to participate, please do!

So This Is What They Do While I'm At Work!

I left a house full of kids last night to go to work - they were already in the tub, and ostensibly were going straight to bed. So, this morning, I find all these silly pictures on my digital camera. My son tells me that they got the camera and took a bunch of pictures last night [he must have been the one behind the camera because there are no shots of him!]. How did that happen? Nevermind that the digital camera is by FAR the most expensive thing that I own, and my dearest possession [not counting people and dogs of course LOL!]. But WHY weren't they asleep?!!!






Man, Tyr is a great dog. We've still been a little indecisive about whether we should adopt him [he's such a *perfect* dog - should we wait and rescue another dog who is not quite so adoptable? One whose life we could really save? Tyr is SO adoptable, he's going to find a home with or without us. Another dog might not be so lucky.].

Well, I just don't think we can help it - he's so GOOD. How can you let anyone else adopt a dog like that when you are all in love with him? We could foster 700 dogs and not find another one this great!





He has been *amazingly* good with the kids. I've been praying for a dog - asking God to send us a dog who would be great with the kids, but who would also be a good watch dog. [After the week my husband was in the hospital, I want a "man" around the house who will feel protective of us when DH isn't here!]. Tyr is "The Man" when it comes to that - he is just awesome in every way. I keep trying to find something I don't like about him, but I can't.

"God Won't Give You More Than You Can Handle" - HOGWASH!

I've been having discussions with someone I care about over this whole idea of "God will never give you more than you can handle".

My friend has been told by two different priests and many other well meaning Christians that God won't give anyone more than they can handle, and my friend is feeling disillusioned because some bad things have happened and my friend feels like it really is more than can be coped with. So my friend is feeling gyped I guess - like something was promised by God and not delivered. [God never, ever says in the Bible "I won't give you more than you can handle" - somebody find me THAT quote and I'll send you a dozen chocolate chip cookies!].

Through the years when we've had stressful things happen in our life, people have told me this. People like to spout this little bit of wisdom. Even Mother Teresa said something like "I know God won't give me more than I can handle, I just wish He didn't trust me so much!".

Well, all due respect for Mother Teresa [one of my daughters is named after her after all LOL!], but I disagree.

Maybe it was all that time I spent in the Marine Corps, but sometimes I think God is a Drill Instructor. Sometimes God has to totally break you down, totally tear you apart, and knock you so low that you can't do anything other than look UP. In the Marine Corps, my Drill Instructors would tell us that was their job - their job was to completely tear us down, to totally rend our psyches into little pieces, and then rebuild us into the finest fighting force in the world. And they did it pretty well - just read the long and honorable history of the Corps.

I think God is like that sometimes. Some of us [ahem, like me] need more kicking before we learn our lesson - before we lay down and stop struggling and just *listen* for the voice of God.

The Bible is full of verses about this. One of my favorite is "The Lord chastises those whom He loves.". [This always makes me feel loved very much, God's gotta love me to spend so much time chastising me. LOL!] Then there are all manner of verses about man being refined like gold in the fire. I could go on and on, I have a prayer notebook with all these written down, I found them very helpful when I was trying not to die at the end of my last pregnancy.

Some of us only reach for God completely when we are in the lowest pit of despair, and this is what it has taken for me every time to get me to grow in holiness. [You'd think I'd learn at some point - but I never do. Sometimes I think I'm not too bright.]

So, personally, I think we do a disservice when we spout little platitudes about how God won't give us more than we can handle. That's a load of hooey.

When my friend says to me "God has given me more than I can handle" I look up and say "Yep. He sure has."

That's really the whole point isn't it? We *CAN'T* handle it, we are crushed under the weight of misfortune at times - and it is in this state that we MUST learn to reach for *GOD* and LET Him carry us. We have to let Him carry our broken spirits just like He carried that Cross to Cavalry - we will find our salvation there - and only there.

If we don't learn to reach for Him in our misfortune, we won't learn to reach for Him at all.

My New Favorite Blog

This is the coolest blog - check it out!!!

Ask Sister Mary Martha

This is just what we all need - a good dose of humor and common sense. God Bless Sister Mary Martha!

Quote of the Day

"Cats cannot be immodest because they don't have a soul." - Monkey1, 8yo.

Just in case you were wondering. [Our 4yo apparently was, this was actually an argument they had LOL!]

Naming the Boy Dog

So, we've known for a while that we wanted to adopt a boy dog to be a permanent pet to go along with our collie Sage. [My son needs another boy in this house, trust me LOL!]

We took in another foster dog yesterday for Mostly Mutts and he is AWESOME! We are pretty sure he is "THE" one. We will wait officially until Friday to make the decision, but the truth is, we are all in love with this dog already - unless he sprouts a demon from his chest or something really dramatic, he's staying.

So, we started talking about boy dog names. We decided that the best way to do it was everyone got to suggest as many names as they wanted and we wrote them all down. Then each person got a "veto" for a couple of names and we just took turns till we got down to the final 5 and then my son got to pick the official name. [The poor foster dog's name is "Rufus" at this point, and we all feel he deserves a much cooler name than that!]

Just for laughs, I'll share the list. These were the actual names suggested by actual members of our family. See if you can figure out which choices came from the 4 year old. LOL!

General
Major
Sergeant
Sergeant Major
Sergeant Fury
Michael
Fisto
Cujo
Max
Chief
Master Chief
King
Prince
Samson
Thor
Odin
Ramses
Buddy
Apollo
Hermes
Tyr
Pan
Perseus
Hercules
Thesius
Duke
Jason
Fenris
Sweetheart
Beautiful
Handsome
Marduke
White Boy [in her defense, he's a pretty white and gray boy dog!]
Gray
Collar Collar
Athanasius
Tarcisius
Snuffles
Ninja
Doggie of Love
Alexander
Hagrid
Maximilian
Harry
Moses
Romulus
Remus

And, we got down to this final five:

Thor
Odin
Tyr
Hercules
Tarcisius

And, our son chose [drum roll please.....]

TYR

Tyr is a god from Norse Mythology who sacrificed his hand to Fenris the wolf in order to save the world from destruction. [ie: He put his hand in the wolf's mouth knowing the wolf would bite it off so that the wolf could be bound and keep him from destroying the earth].

Pretty cool, if obscure. :)

He's a really neat dog! They have him listed as a "Husky / Lab mix", but I think he's definitely got some Shar Pei in there somewhere because he has these cool forehead wrinkles that come up when he puts up his ears. He's really calm and sweet, but also a good guard dog with a really deep bark! He seems extremely intelligent, he's not jumpy or mouthy, doesn't chew, and so far hasn't had any accidents at all in the house, even though he's never lived inside before. They think he's about 2 years old. We really like him, and he and Sage seem to like each other so far.

I Am A Vicious Puff Ball!

No - really! I'm very vicious! See my teeth?!!



Sage, our collie, and Maisy, our foster German Shepherd, just loved each other. They'd spend hours wrestling and "play fighting" and then curl up in a happy heap together. Maisy went to her new adoptive family last weekend, and I think Sage misses her quite a bit. We are considering adopting another furry baby to be a permanent member of our family....hopefully one that Sage likes as much as Maisy! [Maisy was too wild for me to want to keep her though - we want an older, calmer dog around here, our kids are wild enough all by themselves. LOL!]

We Don't Need No Stinkin' Gypsies!

Me: "Kids, come help your little sister and I pick up the dog food she just threw all over the kitchen floor"

Kids: "Why do we have to help? We didn't do it!"

Me: "You have to help because you like the 2 year old and don't want mommy to snap and sell her on eBay."

Quote of the Day

My husband says to me last night "I'm starting to doubt the results of this DOD experiment. I'm starting to think it is not funded by the Department Of Defense, but by Barnum and Bailey!". LOL! He may be right....

Saddest Comment Made To Me By A Complete Stranger [This Week]

So, after a really awful 3 weeks with my husband being sick, in the hospital, home but still sick, and now, Praise God, doing better [THANK YOU for your prayers!] - we went to the grocery store today.

We were really having fun. We felt like we were sticking our heads out from the bomb shelter after the seige and it was nice.

I had Monkeys 2, 3, 4, and 5 with me. Monkey1 stayed home with her dad [she seems to have hit adolescence all of a sudden - and she's not quite 9. What's up with that?!].

So, we are cruising around the Publix with Monkey3 and 4 in the "race car cart". I've got Monkey5 in a backpack on my back. And Monkey2 is having the time of his life with his new spiderman "wheelies" [Kids Consignment Sale - 6$!! Best deal of all!], holding onto the cart and rolling along.

Everybody had gotten some watermelon to sample from the produce lady who was so sweet to offer it to them. We'd had a chat with the assistant manager, who has known us since Monkey3 was in the baby backpack! We'd exchanged jokes with Billy, the elderly gentleman who is the most awesome bag person in the whole world. Everybody was happy. We were laughing and buying groceries and just feeling normal after weeks of scary chaos. It was awesome. I was so glad to be out and about with my precious kids, enjoying life!

I saw another mom with three young kids - hers looked about 4, 2, and 9 months. They were really cute and seemed to be behaving really well. As we passed, I smiled and started to speak to tell her how cute her kids were. But before I could speak, she looked at me and said:

"I guess it is true what they say. Just when you start to feel sorry for yourself, you see someone even worse off than you are" And she looked around at all my kids. [And I only had 4 of the 5 with me!]

Wow. How sad. It took me back for a moment. I am used to getting all kinds of crazy comments from people out in public - mostly they are positive these days because my Monkeys have such great manners and are really nice kids. But I get the more than occasional roll of the eye and "You've certainly got your hands full" or "You poor thing!". At this point, I just smile and say "Oh, we have SO much fun". Because we do.

But this lady's comment made me feel so sad - not sad for me or my children, but sad for her and hers. Hopefully she was just having a bad day. But it was such a startling thing to hear from her - I was there just flat rejoicing in doing something so simple with my lovely children. We were all so happy and filled with joy. And she looked at us and saw "someone worse off than me".

Wow.

I'm glad I'm living my life and not hers.

Thank you Jesus that I'm "so bad off". The rest of the world should be this lucky!

Pray for the Monkeys' Daddy!

Well, the Monkeys' Daddy and the love of my life is in the hospital right now. There was a problem with one of his maintenance meds and they have him in the hospital for an estimated 7-10 days while they monitor his liver function and try to find meds that can manage his chronic health problems without doing more damage.

This has been really, really hard on the kids - they are SO upset.

This has been really, really hard on me too - I am devastated. I feel totally lost without him and we all miss him so much!

He is the one who brings laughter to our days and keeps us joyful.

He is our hero.

It isn't the same without him.


St. Raphael, Pray for us.

We would appreciate any prayers offered up for his quick recovery.