Bye Bye Roosters!

So, we think we know which chickens are roosters now.

One of them is "Padme", now "Anakin", my son's rooster:



The other is "Francesca", now "Francis". He is the foremost one in the picture below:



Funny thing is, I suspected the former "Padme" of being a rooster all along because of how aggressive "she" was - and "she" always picked on poor little "Francesca" [which is the one we didn't think would live because it was picked on so much - the one we prayed to St. Francis to watch over]. Now it seems obvious that they were the two roosters, but apparently it is really hard to determine this before they reach maturity.

I really hate to get rid of "Anakin" though - he has been a really interesting chicken, and he's *very* handsome - by far the most visually stunning of any of our chickens.

But, tomorrow DH will be taking the kids back to the farm where we originally got them and the farmer is taking back the roosters and letting us pick two hens to replace them. We are also going to buy a third hen, to replace the one our dog got.

This farmer is the *nicest* guy on the planet. If any of y'all are local and want chickens, I definitely know the man to see!

He has offered to sell us one of his small incubators [he's bought a bunch of huge ones now as his operation has gotten much larger] and some Cuckoo Maran eggs to hatch [these are the chickens that lay eggs that look chocolate. :) ]. I think we may take him up on it and hatch a few ourselves - it would be so cool for the kids [and the grownups - we are really enjoying this chicken thing too LOL!]. The farmer has to promise to take back any roosters that hatch though, because I think our neighbors have had enough crowing from our backyard these last few days!

I am sad that I can't go tomorrow because I'll be working all day. [Obviously we will go to 8:30 Mass but I'll be working after that till after dinner time :( ]. I really liked the farm and I like looking at all the chickens... but I know the kids & DH will have fun without me and we gotta get these roosters out of here NOW!

And here is a picture of the Baby Monkey trying really hard to get a chicken to hold:

Frustrated

I had something happen at Mass today that has me kind of demoralized.

We went to daily Mass today and afterwards I was talking with a dear friend in the narthex and another woman that I know and love from my Parish came up and told me she had heard the news about my pregnancy. Then she took my hands and got right in my face very seriously and said "You really need to be more careful! Doesn't your blood pressure go haywire with every pregnancy? You really have to be careful!".

I didn't really know how to respond to that. I told her that we HAD been careful, had not planned the pregnancy, had been using NFP to prevent .... and then I felt kind of upset that I had felt like I *had* to share that personal information.

We did what we could *without violating Church teaching* to avoid the pregnancy. That's the situation...

I'm not sure what people want from me. Does she think I don't *know* the danger I'm in?!! I just feel besieged on all sides lately - secular people think I'm an idiot for not having my whole uterus torn out at this point. Family members [and most *Catholic* people I know] think my husband should have had a vasectomy long ago. And then the "more Catholic than thou" folks are giving me a hard time for not being "Catholic enough" in some way - which is still mystifying me.

I am trying so hard at this point to be excited about the pregnancy. I have not bonded with this baby like I did with all my others. I have not really had much joy at all in the pending birth. And my little child *deserves* better than that - this little person is no less worthy or less a GIFT because he/she was unplanned or because he/she is coming at an... inconvenient? time. This pregnancy has been going very fast to me, and I feel like my due date is a date of impending doom more often than I really want to admit.

I need help and support to get through this - I really do. Somehow I have to wrestle with all the emotional issues, health issues, relationship issues, and everything else and still manage to fall in love with this baby and be happy about the birth.

Comments like what I got today aren't helping me. [And I don't mean anything bad about the woman who said this - I know she is genuinely concerned for my wellbeing and I think she is a fantastic person, so don't get me wrong].

I just don't know what people expect me to do, and I feel like no matter what I do it is wrong to almost everyone. Not that those folks really matter - only God matters. But it is the *people* around me that will either help me get through this or will drive me further from where I need to be. :(

One of our "hens" is crowing!!!

You guys who have been reading know we got some chickens this year for the first time, and we have really enjoyed them so far. We got them when they were 11 weeks old, and we were supposedly getting 6 hens from the farmer we bought them from [our lab mix chewed through the wooden wall of the chicken coop and got one of them, so now we have 5 chickens and a coop that is re-enforced with MDF all the way around LOL!].

They are 21.5 weeks old now and nobody is laying yet, which we were kind of wondering about ... we were told to expect eggs between 18-22 weeks. The chickens all look healthy and happy, they are really sweet and we love them. [We have one of each: Auracana, Gold Laced Wyandotte, Partridge Rock, Buff Orpington, and a New Hampshire Red].

So, this week one of the chickens started crowing.... we think it might be the Gold Laced Wyandotte, who seems to be sprouting some tail feathers, but we can't really tell yet. The Partridge Rock looks like it might be getting tail feathers too, so we may have two roosters. [And, these are the two that fought so much - the Wyandotte always beat up the Partridge Rock and never bothered anyone else - which makes me further suspect two boys]. I can't catch one in the act of crowing because every time I get close to the coop it shuts up and runs to the door to see what yummy thing I am bringing to feed them. :)

Needless to say, any roosters must go away because we like our neighbors and don't want any trouble. The kids are upset [oddly enough, the Wyandotte that I am pretty sure is the boy belongs to my one lone son! How funny that HE got the boy chicken!].

The farmer we got them from said we could exchange any that turned out to be roosters [but he swore they were all hens...], but the kids have been holding these chickens,
playing with them, taming them, hand feeding them, and basically turning them in to sweet pet chickens this whole time. So, they are sad. If I had been buying them to eat, I wouldn't have let the kids play with them and get attached, but we were buying them for eggs. My husband keeps threatening to eat the one that is crowing, which sends the kids into hysterics... !

Just in case some of you readers are "chicken owners", anybody know how to tell for sure which ones are boys? And any ideas why these hens aren't laying yet? [unless they are all roosters LOL! Just my luck!] They are getting 20% protein layer ration now, oyster shell, and some cracked corn scratch every day. Their feathers are full and shiny - they seem very healthy and happy. Would having a rooster in the mix delay their setting or anything?

Happy Easter!!

Today the kids got up bright and early to find out what the Easter Bunny brought to them. All week we've been reading "The First Easter Bunny" and the children have learned about how the first Easter Bunny followed Jesus through Jerusalem during Holy Week and how the Easter Bunny was the first to see Jesus after the Resurrection! They were very excited - the easter Bunny always brings them 3 items that will bring the closer to God, and chocolate [to remind them that God is GOOD! LOL!].



Monkey5 liked her Saint book!



She also liked her first chocolate bunny....[she was only 3 months old last Easter - no chocolate for her then!]



Then I went to 8am Mass. We decided to split Easter Masses. Monkey1 is singing at the noon Mass, which also, unfortunately, happens to be the most mobbed, unruly, standing room only Mass of the day. After some discussion, DH and I just didn't think it would be prudent to drag the little bitties with us for that Mass. Since I got to hear her amazing solo last week at Palm Sunday [DH was out in the Van with a certain 4yo who was behaving like the Devil Himself had taken up residence...and we still aren't sure he didn't...], we decided that DH would get to go to the Noon Mass to hear Monkey1 sing and I would go to an earlier Mass. I couldn't quite make the 6am [though I probably would have enjoyed it more!] so I went to the 8am. Our normal Mass is 8:30 every Sunday, so this was pretty usual for us.

I have a confession to make. This is *horrible* to say, but I *despise* trying to go to Mass on Easter Sunday. And I feel so guilty for it.

But it just always feels like a miserable experience to me.

For one, I might as well walk into an unknown Church full of complete strangers - because I don't know anyone there. At a normal 8:30 Sunday Mass, I will know about half the people present, either by name or at the very least by face from seeing them each week. At this Mass today, I knew exactly TWO families out of the overflow, standing room only crowd.... where do all these people come from? I have never seen any of the others at our Church - ever.

For two, it is always packed with people who go to Church twice a year. It frustrates me to get there 20 minutes early and not get a seat. It frustrates me that if I had brought my whole family with me, there would have been no possible way we could have sat together for Easter Sunday. It frustrates me that in order to get a seat with my children, I have to be more than 30 minutes early - and then they are tired of sitting and are fussy before Mass even begins....

So, I sit there packed in like a sardine next to people I've never met who don't know the responses, whose children have NO ide how to behave, and who haven't been to Church in ... ages.

Today, I was trying SO hard not to be distracted by the family next to me. It was a man, woman and a daughter - the daughter looked to be 9 or 10 years old. She was the most *horrible* child I have ever had to sit near. She talked, giggled, was disrespectful to her parents, threw fits, and distracted everyone through the entire Mass. Through the consecration she loudly threw a fit for chap stick while her mother ignored her.. until she finally relented and dug the chapstick out of her purse [and gave it over without any reproof or comment...]. I have never heard a child be more disrespectful and rude to her parents before [*I* wanted to take the kid out and spank her myself] and I have never seen a child behave that badly in Mass - on a normal Sunday, if a TWO YEAR OLD had been acting like that [much less a 9 or 10yo!], their parents would have taken them out of the service. Instead, this couple chose to let her act like an animal through the whole service... and distracted EVERYONE around.

And when I wasn't distracted by the kid, I was worrying about the lady standing against the wall behind me [who had no seat in the packed Church] - she LOOKED pregnant, but I couldn't tell for 100% certain - and I kept thinking maybe I should offer her my seat [yes I am pregnant, but not at that "huge, uncomfortable" pregnant stage yet], but then I thought if she WASN'T pregnant, she would be SO insulted...so I just sat agonizing about it and being kind of annoyed at all the young, healthy men sitting all around ignoring the fact that a woman was standing. [Note to self: remind my children to *always* relinquish their seats to the elderly and to pregnant women...]

I would have committed less sin today by staying home. That is the miserable truth of it. :(

Then there is the trying to get in and out of the parking lot without being mowed down by maniac drivers... on a usual Sunday, nobody tries to run over you OR hit your car as you are trying to leave the Church. Not so on Easter Sunday - I was almost hit twice while walking through the parking lot and my van was almost hit later when I dropped DH and Monkey1 off for the noon Mass - people were being SO mean and rude...

At least at the 8am Mass you don't get the indecent people. The noon Mass will be full of people dressed immodestly and, in some cases, blasphemously.

I honestly start getting *anxious* about having to go to Easter Mass starting on Palm Sunday. I have seen and heard and experienced the worst things at Mass on Easter Sunday through the years and I actually start to dread it. I LOVE Holy Week Services, I LOVE the veneration of the Cross. I LOVE the Easter Vigil and can't wait until our children are old enough to swing it [Easter vigils here start about 8pm and go for about 3 hours - 7pm is bedtime at our house and it would never work to take the kids for that]. But Easter Sunday - it just makes me more of a sinner.

Because I should be *thrilled* to see all these people. I should be welcoming them with my whole heart and loving that they are there. I should spend the whole Mass praying that something will touch them and make them want to come every week instead of once or twice a year. Because the truth is, Jesus loves those people and died for them JUST AS MUCH as me - period. I have no more right to be there than they do.

Instead, I sit there wondering WHY they even bother - I just don't get the point of going to Mass twice a year. [And let's not even get me started thinking about how many of these folks received the Eucharist today without having been to Confession in ... years...decades even]. But really - what is the point?

To me, either believe or don't - I fully respect both actually. But this weird pseudo "pretend" religious "show up twice a year and check the box on your list" thing... I just don't get it. What is it supposed to accomplish?

I feel like quoting Yoda - "Do, or do not. There is no try."

So, this is me - judgmental, hateful, nasty, and an affront to our Lord.

Pray for me.

Easter Egg Hunt

Happy Easter! I am planning another Easter post later today [God willing and the Creek don't rise!], but I wanted to get up pics from our trip to Granny and Grumpy's yesterday for an Easter Egg Hunt.

My parents LOVE doing this for the kids, and my sister and brother and his girlfriend and her daughter always come too - it is a wonderful day! The kids have so much fun!

Here are the kids coloring "real" eggs before the hunt:



Here is Monkey5 in the very act of dropping her first egg:



Waiting at the door, ready to hunt eggs!



Monkey4 finds an egg! This was VERY exciting to her this year!



Monkey1 and my sweet "niece" [not sure what to call her -she's been part of our family since she was very small and we love her dearly but my brother has not married her mother...yet!!!! Pray for them to marry soon!]



Opening the eggs after the hunt. My mom has plastic eggs and those are the ones we hide for them to find [we eat the real ones they color]. She fills the plastic eggs with little goodies and the kids have a blast opening them up afterwards and seeing what they found:



Monkey1 opening her eggs:



Monkey2 opening his eggs:



Monkey3 peeling and EATING the eggs - she knows what you really do with an egg!



And here is the post egg hunt fishing expedition in Grumpy's pond. LOL! [Don't all families fish after they hunt eggs?]. My brother is shown here helping the kids fish - he's had them fishing since they were barely old enough to hold a rod. Both Monkey2 and Monkey3 caught fish! [We threw them back].



We had a lovely lunch with my family afterwards as well and it was a great day. Then we went home and got nice and clean for Easter Sunday and went to bed!

Things were a little weird yesterday though because my husband let it slip that we were having another baby! We had not told anyone other than my sister yet and we were keeping it quiet until after 12 weeks [which is this coming week]. The kids have done a *great* job of keeping it quiet.

We were worried about my mother's reaction in particular and also we know she's going to worry herself sick so we wanted to wait as long as possible to tell her. Well, after we left my dad told my sister that my husband had said something and so my sister told them about it. She said my mom did have a very negative reaction at first and it was probably good we weren't there for it. BUT, in the end my sister talked her through it and she seemed OK by the time we left. My dad was excited, but then, I expected he would be. He adores the kids so much and had already been making comments about how sad it was that there weren't going to be any more babies after Monkey5!

BUT, if you know us personally, feel free to taunt my husband that 4 small children were able to keep a secret that he could not. LOL! ;)

Stations of the Cross

OK, I am so sorry for the long silence. The good news is that everything is just fine. The bad[ish] news is that we have been running around like maniacs the last two weeks with so much to do! So, don't worry - all is well, we are just busy in preparation for Easter.

Last weekend my children acted in a homeschool production of the Stations of the Cross with their Little Flowers, Blue Knights, and Little Saints groups. We had a potluck dinner and the kids put on the Passion play and it was just a great night - they did so well!

Monkey1 got to be St. Veronica [she was thrilled!] and Monkey2 got to be St. John [he was equally thrilled!]. Monkey3 even had a part - the youngest kid in the play I think. She got to play one of the "children of Jerusalem" who was witnessing the passion of Jesus. The lady who coordinated it all did a FANTASTIC job and the kids did amazingly well.

So, in preparation for tomorrow, I am posting the Stations of the Cross, as performed by the homeschoolers this past weekend. If you have kids you want to go over the Stations with for Good Friday, feel free to use these pics! I know my kids pay more attention if it is something other kids are doing! ;) Oh, and you'll have to disregard the huge flag in the background. It is a permanent backdrop to the stage. :)

Most of all, God bless you! Happy Holy Thursday and may the coming Triduum bring you and your family ever closer to Christ!

The Play opened with the three "children of Jerusalem" playing together and then they start to hear the story of what is happening to Jesus [Monkey3 is the one in the middle]:



Station One: Jesus is Condemned to Death:



Station Two: Jesus Carries His Cross:



Station Three: Jesus Falls for the First Time:



Station Four: Jesus Meets His Mother:



Station Five: Simon of Cyrene Helps Jesus Carry the Cross:



Station Six: Veronica Wipes the Face of Jesus:



Station Seven: Jesus Falls for the Second Time:



Station Eight: Jesus Meets the Women of Jerusalem:



Station Nine: Jesus Falls for the Third Time:



Station Ten: Jesus is Stripped of His Clothes:



Station Eleven: Jesus is Nailed to the Cross:



Station Twelve: Jesus Dies on the Cross [with St. Mary and St. John at the foot of the cross and St. Mary Magdalen behind them]:



Station Thirteen: Jesus is brought down from the Cross [this is the Pieta, and unfortunately where I was sitting I was unable to get a shot of St. Mary holding Jesus' body, but she did a beautiful job]:



Station Fourteen: Jesus is Laid in the Tomb:



As it ended, we all sang "Were You There When They Crucified My Lord?" - it just gave me chills. The kids all did such a great job and the young man who played Jesus was amazing. It was really neat.

And here are just a couple of fun shots. Below we have some of the kids just before the play. They were all nervous. :)




And here we have the BabyMonkey hanging out in the backpack watching the show:



It was an amazing evening. A great start to Holy Week for us.

God bless you!

"Jesus Remember Me...

When you come into your Kingdom."

This is one of my favorite verses from the Bible, and it is one of my favorite hymns to sing. I am so happy these days listening to my 9yo because she is singing this with the youth choir for Holy Week and she is walking around singing it constantly. She has a beautiful voice, and I keep bursting into tears while she sings [pregnant much?! LOL!].

These are the words of St. Dismas, the "good thief", as he was on his own Cross beside Jesus on Calvary. St. Dismas is the Patron Saint of Prisoners, Convicts, death row Inmates, reformed thieves, and, oddly, undertakers. While I am none of these [yet LOL!], he is also a Saint who is very close to my own heart.

St. Dismas is the only Saint Cannonized by Christ himself - and promised Paradise that very day! St. Dismas, a man who knew he deserved his wretched death on the Cross - who knew he had lived such a life that this was his just reward. And yet... in hope, he reached out to the Savior of the world....

St. Dismas is one of my patrons because, simply put, I deserve salvation no more than He did, and it gives me great hope to think of him in Paradise with Jesus. St. Dismas is the most hopeful Saint I can imagine.

Right now I feel like a complete failure in living out my faith. Its not that I don't believe - I DO. I just lack the ... backbone? the intestinal fortitude? the Courage? to live it out. I should be trusting in the Lord, and instead - I am filled with fear. I should be joyfully open to His Will, and instead I am worried. I should be on my knees 24 hours a day thanking Him for all of the amazing and generous gifts in my life, and instead I sit here feeling worn out, overwhelmed, angry, and like withdrawing and hiding.

St. Jude is the Patron of hopeless causes - maybe he should be one of my patrons too, because I DO feel like a hopeless cause today. God is SO good, and I am so ... pathetic.

My only hope lies in that Divine Mercy - that ocean of love that is the heart of Jesus Christ - only through my hope in that can I bring myself to even breathe the prayer:

"Jesus remember me, when you come into your Kingdom....."