Monkey5 liked her Saint book!
She also liked her first chocolate bunny....[she was only 3 months old last Easter - no chocolate for her then!]
Then I went to 8am Mass. We decided to split Easter Masses. Monkey1 is singing at the noon Mass, which also, unfortunately, happens to be the most mobbed, unruly, standing room only Mass of the day. After some discussion, DH and I just didn't think it would be prudent to drag the little bitties with us for that Mass. Since I got to hear her amazing solo last week at Palm Sunday [DH was out in the Van with a certain 4yo who was behaving like the Devil Himself had taken up residence...and we still aren't sure he didn't...], we decided that DH would get to go to the Noon Mass to hear Monkey1 sing and I would go to an earlier Mass. I couldn't quite make the 6am [though I probably would have enjoyed it more!] so I went to the 8am. Our normal Mass is 8:30 every Sunday, so this was pretty usual for us.
I have a confession to make. This is *horrible* to say, but I *despise* trying to go to Mass on Easter Sunday. And I feel so guilty for it.
But it just always feels like a miserable experience to me.
For one, I might as well walk into an unknown Church full of complete strangers - because I don't know anyone there. At a normal 8:30 Sunday Mass, I will know about half the people present, either by name or at the very least by face from seeing them each week. At this Mass today, I knew exactly TWO families out of the overflow, standing room only crowd.... where do all these people come from? I have never seen any of the others at our Church - ever.
For two, it is always packed with people who go to Church twice a year. It frustrates me to get there 20 minutes early and not get a seat. It frustrates me that if I had brought my whole family with me, there would have been no possible way we could have sat together for Easter Sunday. It frustrates me that in order to get a seat with my children, I have to be more than 30 minutes early - and then they are tired of sitting and are fussy before Mass even begins....
So, I sit there packed in like a sardine next to people I've never met who don't know the responses, whose children have NO ide how to behave, and who haven't been to Church in ... ages.
Today, I was trying SO hard not to be distracted by the family next to me. It was a man, woman and a daughter - the daughter looked to be 9 or 10 years old. She was the most *horrible* child I have ever had to sit near. She talked, giggled, was disrespectful to her parents, threw fits, and distracted everyone through the entire Mass. Through the consecration she loudly threw a fit for chap stick while her mother ignored her.. until she finally relented and dug the chapstick out of her purse [and gave it over without any reproof or comment...]. I have never heard a child be more disrespectful and rude to her parents before [*I* wanted to take the kid out and spank her myself] and I have never seen a child behave that badly in Mass - on a normal Sunday, if a TWO YEAR OLD had been acting like that [much less a 9 or 10yo!], their parents would have taken them out of the service. Instead, this couple chose to let her act like an animal through the whole service... and distracted EVERYONE around.
And when I wasn't distracted by the kid, I was worrying about the lady standing against the wall behind me [who had no seat in the packed Church] - she LOOKED pregnant, but I couldn't tell for 100% certain - and I kept thinking maybe I should offer her my seat [yes I am pregnant, but not at that "huge, uncomfortable" pregnant stage yet], but then I thought if she WASN'T pregnant, she would be SO insulted...so I just sat agonizing about it and being kind of annoyed at all the young, healthy men sitting all around ignoring the fact that a woman was standing. [Note to self: remind my children to *always* relinquish their seats to the elderly and to pregnant women...]
I would have committed less sin today by staying home. That is the miserable truth of it. :(
Then there is the trying to get in and out of the parking lot without being mowed down by maniac drivers... on a usual Sunday, nobody tries to run over you OR hit your car as you are trying to leave the Church. Not so on Easter Sunday - I was almost hit twice while walking through the parking lot and my van was almost hit later when I dropped DH and Monkey1 off for the noon Mass - people were being SO mean and rude...
At least at the 8am Mass you don't get the indecent people. The noon Mass will be full of people dressed immodestly and, in some cases, blasphemously.
I honestly start getting *anxious* about having to go to Easter Mass starting on Palm Sunday. I have seen and heard and experienced the worst things at Mass on Easter Sunday through the years and I actually start to dread it. I LOVE Holy Week Services, I LOVE the veneration of the Cross. I LOVE the Easter Vigil and can't wait until our children are old enough to swing it [Easter vigils here start about 8pm and go for about 3 hours - 7pm is bedtime at our house and it would never work to take the kids for that]. But Easter Sunday - it just makes me more of a sinner.
Because I should be *thrilled* to see all these people. I should be welcoming them with my whole heart and loving that they are there. I should spend the whole Mass praying that something will touch them and make them want to come every week instead of once or twice a year. Because the truth is, Jesus loves those people and died for them JUST AS MUCH as me - period. I have no more right to be there than they do.
Instead, I sit there wondering WHY they even bother - I just don't get the point of going to Mass twice a year. [And let's not even get me started thinking about how many of these folks received the Eucharist today without having been to Confession in ... years...decades even]. But really - what is the point?
To me, either believe or don't - I fully respect both actually. But this weird pseudo "pretend" religious "show up twice a year and check the box on your list" thing... I just don't get it. What is it supposed to accomplish?
I feel like quoting Yoda - "Do, or do not. There is no try."
So, this is me - judgmental, hateful, nasty, and an affront to our Lord.
Pray for me.
4 comments:
I can understand how you feel. I am lucky with Holy Family in that there doesn't seem to be much of an attendance blip (maybe 15% more people?) on holidays like Christmas or Easter.
The parking lot stuff was an issue at my last church. I mean; what do they do; check their charity and good will at the church door on the way out?
Patience
Eh, don't be so hard on yourself. It IS horrible to go to late Mass on Easter here, too. We went early and I couldn't believe that most people stayed for the WHOLE MASS and there wasn't the "mass exodus" of the usual, 10:30 Mass after communion. It's really getting ridiculous. Last week, I'd say a full 35 percent (or more) of people left after communion or before the final blessing. It was WEIRD. AND, it's very hard to NOT get distracted by this and the ill behaved children when it's right in your face like that. It's mostly sad, though.
I think that the joy of going to 8:30 Mass convinced my hubs to NOT go to 10:30 anymore. Now, if only I can get everybody ready that early from now on? It will be WORTH IT!
Your kids look like they had a happy Easter!
That is so funny that you mentioned the Yoda thing b/c that was the only thing that got me through a trial of my patience the other day.
As my mother would say, "offer it up". It is hard but I always hope that an encouraging smile, and welcoming frame of mind, will encourage a twice a year churchgoer to make it a habit. Maybe they are lapsed and are making the tentative steps back to the church, or maybe they are a potential convert just 'checking things out'. Either way we need to pray for strength, etc, patience, the whole bit.
Also, I took my 9 yearold and 20 month old to Easter vigil (2 hours long at 8 pm), and that was not the smartest thing I have done.... talk about offering it up. It was painful.
Post a Comment