One Month Update

Today Gemma is 1 month old! It is so hard to believe that a month has gone by already! [I spent the whole month in a fog, totally surreal!].

Here are some recent pics of little Ol' Monkey6:





She started out sleeping really, really well [like 18 hours a day], but that has gradually decreased until for the last 2 weeks I've slept most nights like this [if you can call it sleeping]:



She's becoming fussier and fussier and I'm a little worried. 3 of my other 5 had colic, and I'm scared this may be the beginning of it for her. [I am *praying* that is not so, because I really, truly don't think I can live through that again!].

But, whatever the cause, sleep is becoming very rare around here again. Last night she decided to be awake and fussing and crying from 9:45pm till 2:30am and then I at least was able to lie down on the couch [holding her] and snooze for 3 hours. [My other kids got up at 5:30am - boy am I tired!].

And now, proof that we are raising yet another avid reader:



She gets creative with her reading though:



We have all kinds of weird dynamics going on around here lately. Monkey5, pictured above looking so sweet, is having serious problems with violence. She has always been extremely clingy - a velcro baby and now a velcro toddler. I am not allowed out of her sight, preferably I should be within touching distance at all times. She is also violent with the other kids if they come near me - she will try to kill them if they try to touch "her" mama. Oddly enough, this isn't really new - she's always been very clingy and possessive and she's always had a violent streak. But now she's added tantrums [20 months old you know....]. She will literally throw several fits a day that last 45 minutes up to 1.5 hours and during the tantrums she will bite, scratch, hit, kick, pull hair and generally try to murder me [and often Monkey4 who is her other "primary" target for violence for some reason]. These tantrums can be set off by anything - her being sleepy or hungry or sick, but also her being frustrated, angry, or not getting her way over something simple...sometimes they seem to come on for no reason at all...

My son used to throw really long, dramatic fits like this several times a day when he was her age, but he was never violent. So, this is something new and, um...not really exciting, more like disturbing. My son grew out of this stage [I didn't think I'd survive it, but he did finally grow out of it around 3] and he turned out to be a perfectly wonderful boy. So, I'm hoping and praying that the same will be true of Monkey5 - if not, I see a long future of incarceration for her as an adult if she doesn't get her temper and violent impulses under control. [Maybe this is what you get when you cross a part-Italian daddy with a part-Irish mama.... or a Green Beret with a Marine...WHAT were we thinking?!! whew.]

In other news, my poor 3yo Monkey4 isn't even allowed near me [by the 1yo]. She is, fortunately, a very, very sweet and easy going girl. But it is starting to wear on her. She's also realized recently that she IS three, and we are seeing some mild tantrums and crying/whining about things [which is my pet peeve....the whining thing]. But, really, for a 3yo, she's doing so well I have nothing at all to complain about.

The combined effect though of 3 children age 3 and under is quite... exhausting for the moment. I know this will get better once we are out of the "newborn stage" [I remember feeling this way with all my newborns, even the first one!]. But for now I'm mostly really sleepy and overwhelmed - and trying not to be cranky in the midst of it all.

My poor older 3 children are getting practically nothing from me these days because I'm so consumed by the younger 3. [Actually, Monkey5 takes up about 95% of my time and effort and Monkey4 and Monkey6 split the remaining 5% - how sad is that?!]. So, they are fighting and acting out, mostly because they are being neglected a bit I think.

Which leads me to all those doubts....should I put them in school? [Homeschool is NOT in full swing at this time for obvious reasons]. What can I do with the younger ones so I have more time with the older ones? What is WRONG with me that I can't do it all? [Human much, MonkeyMama?!!!]

Then there is this other weird dynamic with Monkey2 and Monkey3, who we call "The Wonder Twins". They really ARE like twins - they are 19 months apart and they really do act like twins. They are inseparable, together 24/7 [even both sleep in Monkey2's room]. It is really cute, but I am actually wondering now if they are TOO close - silly huh? But I am starting to understand why parents of twins often separate them into different class rooms when they are in school to help them grow on their own. That is hard to do with homeschool.

The other problem is that they leave Monkey4 out - she is big enough to want to be part of their "club" and they won't let her. I feel very sad for her - on the one side she has the Wonder Twins leaving her out and excluding her and making her cry, on the other side she has Monkey5 ThunderDome trying to maim and kill her every time Monkey5 has a bad moment... ugh.

Of course, the truth is that eventually Monkey5 will grow out of her "soul sucking phase" and one day I'll miss the little thing leeched onto my side [clawing and biting... OK, maybe I won't so much miss THAT part!]. And the baby will grow [too fast!]. And I will have more time for the other children and I will be able to get back to what I love most: adoring my kids and being with them.

But for now... *yawn* I'm just trying to keep my head above the water. [What?! Tsunami you say?!! Its headed this way?!]

;)

If you have a spare prayer today, please say one for my sanity, my endurance, my kindness and also that I may discern what is best for my children and help them through this rough spot.

Take care and God Bless you!