The Internet and Human Companionship

I've been struggling lately with what place my internet habit should really hold in my life. I belong to a Catholic Mothers Email list, a low volume national homeschool list, a local homeschool list, and I am active at the forums at the Preeclampsia Foundation.

I probably spend an hour [and some days maybe even two, broken out over the day] on the computer, participating in these groups. Until today, I have always felt very guilty about this.

But these groups have been very important in my life. These are the "friends" I have [and I do consider many of them true friends, some of them I have known for 5 or more years now "online"]. I ask these women for advice, I share my experience and advice with them, we share our joys and our sorrows, what worked for us and what didn't, our great ideas and our great failures. I find that when I try to cut back on my computer time, I start to feel very isolated and very, very alone. It does NOT improve my mothering ability, but to the contrary, makes me grouchy and out of sorts.

These groups of like minded mothers are extremely important to me. And I have felt guilty over that for years now - I have felt that if I were really a good Catholic, I would stop getting on the computer at all and I would use that time to pray. [I certainly do need to add more prayer time to my life, but I am starting to believe that there can be balance....]

Today I read this at the "Praying for Grace" blog, and I thought it was an excellent point. You should read her post, but to sum up, she says that in generations past, women were surrounded by like minded women. When they went out to their clothes line to do the laundry, they could speak to their neighbors and get the support and companionship they needed. We, in our era, are extremely isolated. Most of us live in neighborhoods where we are the "freaks" [I do - even though I LOVE my neighborhood!] and we live solitude, seperated often from those who share our ideas and our values. She says that we need the web today to seek out others of like mind and values to get the support we need to be the people God calls us to be.

I thought that was actually brilliant. I had never considered this before - but she is really right. In ages past, women had fellowship with other women in their village or neighborhood. They had the support of their extended families very close by, and the families shared values. They had their sisters, their friends, their fellow believers all around them. When they went to the market or went to the well to fill water containers or did anything at all, they met others with whom they could converse and share life. [There were obvious exceptions, such as the pioneers who moved hundreds of miles from anyone they knew - and started this whole social isolation thing!]. But in general, people were surrounded by those who could support them in the lives they were living.

We don't have that any more.

I am fortunate in that I have several excellent homeschooling friends locally - but I hardly ever see them. Isn't that strange?

My one friend that I saw frequently had to move a few months back, and the friends who remain, I just almost never see in person. We may talk on the phone [though that is hard with 5 kids screaming in the background] or we may keep in touch via email... but we see each other rarely. I might see one of my friends in passing at Choir, or if we are all fortunate enough to make a park day with the homeschool group . Another friend I might see once or twice a year when we have each others families over for dinner... another friend I may see every 2-3 months when we get together...

But in general, I certainly have no friend or neighbor that I talk to on a daily basis and that I see in person frequently through the week. Friends or no, the truth is that I am relatively isolated most of the time. And I don't think I am odd - I think that is so common.

Human beings are social animals, and in a society that has broken down almost all the "normal" historical support systems [extended family in close proximity, support networks physically nearby...], I think it is unsurprising that many of us turn to people we may never meet in real life for companionship and support. What alternative do we have? [especially for an extrovert like me who goes nuts if I don't get to talk to other grownups on a pretty frequent basis].

I have decided to put my guilt about my internet usage away and to give myself permission to be online daily [with reasonable restrictions of course :) ]. I am also realizing that I really long to see my "real life" friends more frequently - I am going to be more active in trying to get together with the people I really enjoy on a more frequent basis. I need to put effort in to making that happen.

So... just wanted to share my thoughts on the subject!