WARNING: If you are not Catholic, you can probably skip this post. It will seem bizarre and confusing to you. :)
...OK, maybe I have time for one little rant today. LOL!
Recently I was kicked off a Catholic mother's list I had participated in for years because I dared to disagree with CCLI - I feel that their claims of 99% accuracy with correct use of their methods are not..um...right. [To date, I have found NO clinical trial of any sort that backs up this anecdotal claim...anyone got one to share with me?]. I also disagreed with the WAY they promote NFP - as "Catholic birth control", not as something to be used according to Church teaching - only for serious and grave reasons. My disagreement with CCL's statistics and methods was equated with *disagreeing with Church teaching* on this email list [by the list owner] and I was kicked off. Wow.
I've been kicked out of a Catholic Bible study before for being "too Catholic" [and daring to defend Confession as necessary and artificial contraception as wrong....] but nobody, ever, anywhere, has ever accused me of disagreeing with Church teaching.
I was amazed.
Then, this week, our Archdiocesan Newspaper ran a two page spread on NFP. The article they ran frankly made my stomach turn.
A little background here, my husband and I taught Pre-Cana classes for the Archdiocese for 7 years, and we were both frustrated that we were basically only *allowed* to teach NFP as "catholic birth control" and we were not allowed to mention things like being open to life and the fact that the Church teaches that using NFP is only OK when there are "serious and grave reasons" to avoid a pregnancy.... we couldn't even really talk about Children always being a gift from God. While we *adored* the women who ran the program, we felt frustrated because the fullness of Church teaching was not being covered...
In addition, my husband and I also went through the teacher training for CCLI to become NFP instructors for our Archdiocese - and finally quit working on our "certification" in disgust at the "closed to life" attitude we encountered with CCLI, among other problems with the organization. So, I DO know that of which I speak....
Here is the article that ran this week:
"With NFP, Couples Discover Deeper Partnership"
Boy, did this article bother me. I can't decide if I should send in a letter or not, because of our personal connection with this Archdiocesan ministry - I would not like to hurt the feelings of the women who run this program.
BUT...
I am really irritated right now.
In this article, they interviewed 3 different couples who teach NFP around the Archdiocese. They made a *big* deal about how 2 of the 3 couples only had 2 children - and one couple has 4 but they made a HUGE deal of the fact that they were all "planned". One of the couples was actually quoted as saying "We used NFP to postpone childbearing when we were first married. We wanted to travel, get financially secure, and just spend time enjoying each other before we had children" - and then it says "They have been married for 9 years and have 2 children".
Also there were comments like "While 'some couples are called' to have a large family, she said, it is not a correct assumption about couples using NFP".
NO WHERE in this entire article - huge 2 page spread - did it even *mention* Church teaching on being open to life. Or the fact that NFP should only be used for "serious or grave" reasons. NO WHERE. Nor did it mention what a blessing children are, or what a gift.
Oh, but they did go on and on about how it was 99% effective. [**cough cough**]
In addition, one of the teaching husbands is quoted as saying "'Like everything else in life, you have to have self-discipline,' he said. 'Many times we’re not talking about a huge window—just a couple of days.'"
REALLY? What the heck method are they using? Since a woman's body can harbor sperm for up to 5 days before she ovulates and she can STILL conceive from relations 5 days earlier - I don't see how that is remotely possible using *any* method. The most accurate method in the world [using that new ovulation predictor thingy] is still going to require a week or so of abstinence. And that ONLY applies to people with those text book perfect 28 day cycles with extremely clear signs of ovulation. For *most* women who have some variation, the required abstinence is more than a week.... at least that has been my experience with myself and the women I know who have used it.
[Of course, among the women I know personally who have used it, almost all of us have at least one "oops" baby who was conceived while using NFP... so that also makes me doubt the 99% accurate claims].
I'm trying not to totally froth at the mouth about this - I am trying to tell myself that they are trying to reach the contraceptors and that NFP, even used incorrectly, is certainly better than artificial birth control. But I just feel so annoyed about this article. NFP is definitely being taught as "Catholic birth control" with this kind of junk, and Church teaching is being completely lost.
Couples are NOT being called to view children as a gift from God or to be open to God's Will or open to life. Not once in the whole spread do they mention *praying* or *discerning* God's will regarding another child - it is just presented as something the couple does when THEY see it as convenient for whatever stupid reason [they are done traveling for the time being I guess... ugh].
And I won't even get started on the implication in the article that babies who *weren't* planned by their parents are somehow lesser or unwelcome, or the implication that if you use NFP correctly you won't *have* any unplanned babies... Some of God's greatest gifts are things WE don't plan for.
How about an article about couples who actually *trust God* and actually follow Church teaching and leave their fertility totally in God's hands [if they have no grave reasons to avoid pregnancy]? After all, God is a whole lot smarter than we are ... and He DOES provide.... why can't we provide some role models like that in our Paper?!!
Anyway, I am so sorry for the vent... but gosh. This just drives me nuts.
[Re-reading this, I realize I need to temper this - I DO understand that God and the Church are not calling us to churn out endless babies one after another regardless of anyone's health or ability to care for them, like some cosmic puppy mill. There are *many* reasons that are "serious" reasons to avoid another pregnancy, and those reasons are perfectly licit and good reasons to avoid another baby. So, please don't misunderstand me there. But true Church teaching on this matter was not covered at all in this article IMO....]
8 comments:
Wow! That is so weird. I can't believe you got kicked off of that forum for asking questions. What a bunch of maroons. You are so right about all of this. Why is it so promoted as "catholic birth control"? That is such a good question! It reminds me of the "fight" at Danielle Bean a couple of months ago between her and those Attachment Parenting nazis over at Heart, Mind & Strength. Anyway, you should send this entire post to your archdiocese. It's a good rundown of what you encounter with this kind of attitude. Unfortunately, a response could reveal something really sad about your archdiocese. It can be so disheartening when your own church isn't found to follow sound CHURCH teaching!
I'm not Catholic but I read it anyway! I kind of understand. Someone once told me, "You can be TOO religious, you know." It was all because I was living Biblically and they thought it made more sense to go against God's will. Go figure.
Kelly,
The article infuriated me, as well. Here we all are, living our faith, being open to life and trying to explain/promote that message to others and something like that article is published and gets it all wrong! No wonder so many Catholics are confused! If our own newspapers don't get Catholic teaching right, who will? I was equally infuriated for what happened to you on "that" list, and as you know, stand behind you 100%!
I can't believe a Catholic group kicked you off for being obedient to the Church's teaching!
Regarding the archdiocese, I know where you are coming from with that. I work hard to make my classes NOT like Catholic birth control, although if that is what people are wanting to do then that is what they'll do. The only thing I can say about the article is that is that you and I aren't their target audience. They are trying to convinced disobedient people to look into NFP and that is the way they have chosen to do it. I think the hope is that if they can get in the door.... At least that is what I like to think.
You shouldn't have been kicked off, NFP shouldn't be touted as Catholic birth control but I kind of understand them softening it a little for nominal Catholics. Of course, they probably wouldn't be nominal Catholics if they didn't soften it for them.
Good post, thanks for the food for thought!
Oh, and Simcha over at I Have to Sit Down just had a big discussion regarding men and their view on NFP. Another good discussion.
yes - i agree with Vicki here about "target audience". We've got to think/hope that someone who IS contracepting now will be shaken up by the Holy Spirit and at least open that door, ya know?
I must say that the class Paul and I went to @ St. Cat's oh...about 7yrs ago [I was pregnant w/sophia then] - was great. For us "open to life" was definitely the feeling I got - I can't recall if they used those words but i really think they did. JPII was quoted and referenced quite a bit by them. I even remember them saying that they would have loved to have had more [ i believe they had 3] by she had fertility problems.
We use NFP - but i can tell you for us, we've just now - after 7 yrs- gotten it *down*. The signs and all. So our *oops'* weren't because NFP failed and looking back on my charts we can definitely see where we made our *oops* LOL
*and* we are being realllllly conservative. Really.
One line that i loved from the article by Elaine [who is the leader for the ICAN list] was when she said something to the effect: "we're graced with having to think about children every month." I love that!!
All in all I was excited to see such a huge write up on NFP. imo - it's better than someone never hearing it. Cause how many do you think hear it from the pulpit. I betchya hardly anyone. And we could probably name the priests who *do* promote and talk about it :O)
Okay - I'm done. Sorry to take up so much space :o)
A couple of comments:
How many people who reject Church dogma and teachings are going to suddenly be convinced by a wishy-washy article in the local Church newspaper? Most people want consistency, clarity, and honesty - not the truth wrapped in the language of today's culture of death. I would rather see a fire-and-brimstone article about NFP and let the argument start then see the discouragement the followers of the Church teaching experience from an article like this.
I know many of the people who are quoted in this article. They are good people trying to do God's Will, but I think they are blowing it here.
Lastly, I too would like to see an honest, open discussion about NFP and its percentage of prevention. If you go to the CCLI website, they dismiss anyone who got pregnant in the studies they use because they say they were "risk takers". That is bad science. Depending on which study you read, who interpreted the results, and what they count or discount, you can hear figures for STM NFP from 94% to 100% (yes, CCLI claims in one study a 100% success rate).
What about women with thyroid problems? What about women who often double ovulate (one from each ovary in the same cycle)? What about women with other medical conditions that affect fertility and signs of fertility? Well, these women are EXCLUDED from the studies ... yet they are the ones you MOST need to concern yourself with.
I am looking to the CHURCH to take a stance on this and to fund a good, scientific, comprehensive study of all the forms of NFP and to admit that it is not the "cure all" for any couple who has serious reasons to avoid pregnancy - like death of the mother. To say that NFP is ALWAYS nearly 100% effective is an unproven statement, an insult to those with a serious reason to avoid, and a disservice to the world.
If it was up to me, the Church would publicly state that NFP is USUALLY very effective, but that there are individual cases where it is not appropriate. If the Church position is for those people to abstain for the rest of their marriage, that too such be stated. Please no more compromised, wishy-washy discussions devoid of scientific and intellectual honesty.
Bravo, I'm proud of you. NFP is not birth control but that mentality is invasive, the devils work to cloud the idea of being open to life, life giving love, being fruitful and multiplying, relying on God and dying to self.
I just watched DEMOGRAPHIC WINTER, google it. The lie is overpopulation, we are not - as a planet - reproducing at a replacement rate. At least the secular world isn't. What will be left will be orthodox jews, Christians who get it and islamics.
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