Adventures at DFACS

OK, now to complete my public humiliation... LOL!

I went to DFACS today to apply for food stamps and any other aid I could qualify for. Maybe I should be embarrassed by that, but I'm more worried about trying to keep the kids fed and stable at the moment... and I've worked at least one job [often 2 or 3] since I was 15 years old, so I've paid into the system for more than 20 years now, right? Oh, and I save the government about $10,000 a year for each of my kids that I homeschool at my own expense. Heh.

DFACS is like hell though, truly. It was jam packed with lots of sad looking women and cute little kids and a handful of men even. Lots of very rude and nasty government employees treating everyone like dirt. I filled in my forms and then waited 2 hours and 36 minutes [no joke!] for them to take me back into an office and tell me that I don't qualify for anything except *maybe* food stamps, but I have to come back next Tuesday for an appointment to find out if I qualify for food stamps... ugh. Apparently, if you make more than $600 a month, the only thing you qualify for is food stamps, and I make just over that with my part time job.

Fortunately, I was able to leave my older 4 monkeys playing at home with a fantastic homeschooled 13 year old we know, so I only had the baby monkey with me, and she did great. Praise God!

I got home and had an email waiting for me from my husband with the divorce agreement attached - I was supposed to read it and sign it.

And while I was sitting there crying and trying to figure out how I'm going to manage to keep a roof over the kids' heads and food in their tummies, they were begging for Halloween Costumes that cost $30 each... and I'm trying to explain to them why we can't buy things like that any more, without bashing their father.

I know this sounds angry, but mostly I'm happy. I was reflecting tonight that I am so happy with my children - I really love our life. As my friend Jen pointed out, things will not *always* be as hard as they are right now. We will get our routines down. The baby will grow up [too fast!]. Soon I'll have a bunch of teen monkeys and one day they'll all move away.... I plan to make the most of every moment between now and then, because here is where my treasure and my happiness lie.

But I feel guilty - my children deserve so much better. They *deserve* a father who *cherishes* them, who would DIE to protect them, and who would rather be tortured to death than to abandon them. Fortunately, they have a Father in Heaven who does just that.