Waiting for a Sign...

I am still very confused about where to move and what is God's will for us and our housing situation. I'm praying frequently about it, and I went to Adoration today. I am asking Jesus to send me a clear sign [because I can be dense about subtlety LOL!]

It occurred to me today that God is asking me to stretch myself and reach for extraordinary holiness. I feel kind of afraid, but I also feel for the first time ever that I am absolutely open to this - to whatever God wants of me, no matter how painful or how hard. I am ready to go blindly and with full confidence to where ever He leads, and I've been trying to get to this place for a long time - it has taken a lot of God breaking me down to get me here.

Pride has been my biggest sin. Pride is such a sneaky thing - we feel "justified" about getting our feelings hurt when people do bad things, even just thoughtless things. Pride is the root of so much deadly sin - Avarice, Jealousy, Wrath, Judgementalism, Selfishness, Unforgiveness, the list just goes on and on. I can probably find a way that Pride is at the root of almost every sin.

It is good for me to recognize this. God has been really working on Pride in me, and I think God has finally had a breakthrough [I have not been an easy person to work in LOL!].

I have had to learn humility in these recent weeks. I've had to make choices about how I am going to behave and what I am going to do - and I've decided to behave well and do what God tells me, not just what I want [you will notice that my husband yet lives and breathes.. LOL!] ;) .

It has been hard not to hate my husband, but I really don't. I feel sad for him. There are flashes of anger that surge up, but mostly I just feel sorry for him [but not so much that I won't protect my children mind you].

It has been hard to admit to every person I know that he walked out on us. It has been bizarre, humiliating, awkward, and just SO beyond shocking.

It has been hard to accept help, some times a lot of help. But if I try to do it all on my own right now, my children will suffer.

It has been hard to know that my children are hurting and that I can't stop that. It has been hard to be in a situation where I don't control what is happening to my children.

I think maybe, hopefully, finally I have learned the lesson I should have learned so long ago - it is in God's hands. No matter what evil human beings may do, God will bring good out of it. His plan is better than mine - so, SO much better.

For the first time in my life I feel at peace with Luke 12:22-31:

" 22 He said to (his) disciples, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life and what you will eat, or about your body and what you will wear.
23 For life is more than food and the body more than clothing.
24 Notice the ravens: they do not sow or reap; they have neither storehouse nor barn, yet God feeds them. How much more important are you than birds!
25 Can any of you by worrying add a moment to your lifespan?
26 If even the smallest things are beyond your control, why are you anxious about the rest?
27 Notice how the flowers grow. They do not toil or spin. But I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of them.
28 If God so clothes the grass in the field that grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith?
29 As for you, do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, and do not worry anymore.
30 All the nations of the world seek for these things, and your Father knows that you need them.
31 Instead, seek his kingdom, and these other things will be given you besides."

How cool is that? :)